Friday, February 11, 2005

A friend of mine in the support group has just lost her loved one. He was there a minute ago, and then he was not there. He left behind a broken body and a grieving woman. I'm sure he didn't mean to, in a way, but there was no other path for him to follow. He left behind a trail to follow, and it leads to a spot just behind her, slightly behind her eyes. If she could just move her vision a bit she'd see him and she could stop crying, but it takes a while to master this. Most of us die first and it becomes a moot point. I tried to at least let her know how much he is with her still and how happy he is to be able to move anywhere he wants, to see anything he wants. It's very easy to say that he is out of pain now, but that's not the half of it. Releasing one's hold on the here and now and the physical is a bit like sliding into a see of joy, of ecstasy, where vision is complete and understanding advances past words and barely manages concepts. It takes awhile to filter out the words and just let the universe flow through you. Every dead guy I've spoken with has had to struggle to finite down their concepts to deliver their messages. I can see why shamans find it a lot easier to ascend to the Planes to communicate with the All, rather than like the prophets, try to understand what that burning bush is trying to say. How to see a painting done in all the colors of the spectrum, right down to matter and on up to ether?

Yesterday I had a bit of a grasp of a concept that I thought I would try to turn into words. If you really understand a god, you first have to really understand where you are in relation to that god. So if you seek a relationship with an infinite deity, you have to come to grips with your finite existence. This is hard for us to do. We are so confined in the body of ours that you tend to think of your mind as somehow bigger. But when you talk to a god you see how small finite is and most of us turn away in fright. It's a normal reaction for a great ape to run from a nuclear explosion, but a nuclear explosion is so tiny when compared with the sun.

Another aspect to relating to a god is that as we recognize and define within our souls the parameters of this god, what we accept and what we leave behind, we define ourselves as well. Those who see a small god with beard and anger, jealousy and even lust, we define ourselves as aspiring to those atributes. Difficult indeed recognizing within ourselves the ability to murder small children when you have accepted a god who demands their hearts on an altar. But defining a god as an amorphous energy field with no parameters doesn't do us much good in that we need some defining limits for ourselves. Those who refuse to think about that diety and rely on meditation to expand their consciousness beyond this field of dreams are sometimes ambivalent about the rest of us. That's why they tend to go to the hills away from us all. The monkey relates to the human hand grabbing a peanut. If you don't want to be a monkey anymore it's best not to be around a human, but I think it might be a good idea to also leave behind the peanut.

We're going to buy a new car, a new used car to replace the ailing Inga. She doesn't always wake up in time to drive my sweety-pie to the bus. I have found another Volvo, a V70 t5 and it looks great, but at a time like this I always ask Larry what he thinks andhe always was able to give me a whole lot of information in a small email or phone call. Now it's more problematic. Now that he is infinite, a car issue is moot or at least not as interesting. When you can ride a galaxy why bother thinking about a Volvo? Well, Larry, you can ride the galaxy all you want, but I need to know if a 1998 Volvo with 113,000 miles is okay to buy or should I be looking at a cheaper truck with cap? Bad timing. It's always a matter of bad timing when we see things going wrong, or difficult. So I have to trust not only my own judgement but my ability to convince anyone else that I have good judgement. I don't have a lot of success at that. It might be my choice of hats, or my ability to wear dirty jeans to meet an important person, but I don't have a lot of credibility with the folks close to me. Part of the Casandra thing.

Well, Larry, meet Glenn. Teddy, meet Glenn. I'm sure you all have a lot to talk about, but if in the middle of it all if any of you have any thoughts to share about a 1998 V70 Volvo with relatively high milage, I'd apprecite it if you might dip down here and give me a dream, a vision or some insight.

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