Friday, January 21, 2005

I was standing in my bathroom this morning after shaving. I dried my face and looked out at the house going up next door. It's a huge semi-Victorian that's replacing a cobbed together ex-garage that was just starting to look like like a neat house when it burnt up. It was early in the morning and bitter cold.
The warm air from the bathroom escaped into the cold outside air and there was mist on the window. I wondered about what I was seeing. For instance, I know that I see by figuring out patterns in the signals from my optic nerve. Those signals have their origin in light hitting the cells of my retina, so they are delivered to my consciousness at least light speed. That being said, what I was thinking about had happened some time in the past and I was just now becoming aware of it. Something that takes very little time, or no time at all would happen to us before we could, by vision, become aware of it. So we can't trust vision to help us figure it out. I see the smoke from the hood of one truck and the men looking sadly at it. I sniff. In the morning hours I always wake up stuffed up and besides, I am notoriously lacking in the nose department, That's always been a gift when picking up after pets, even sick pets. But in figuring out what I was seing was no help at all. You can't trust smell to help us out. You go thru all five or so senses one by one and they all depend on interaction between two things, or many things and one mind. I wondered how I can trust anything I think is going on? You take it all on faith. You decide at some point to place your trust in what you see is real and hard... or soft... and you can touch it...or not. But it all has obvious levels of meaning.
This logic fails for those of us who have taken in the past large amounts of mind expanding drugs. It isn't the mind that expands, but the doors open wider. But we can accept that it all has meaning, levels of meaning. We reach this point where we all of us take it on faith. And it depends on what you decide "it" is. So "it" is something you decide. Self referencing, the definition of a being. There's a lot of bagage in proving that You are Something with logic that is based in faith. You get into circles of logic and that usually means you lost some meaning somewhere and your thoughts are circling a black hole. Bad idea.
So back to being something. You hear sometimes people expressing the view that faith is somehow the antithesis of knowlege. Knowlege is gnosis and that is the domain of the goddess, and faith, the way it is expressed in humanity, is the domain of the god consort. So you see a yin and yang to "it" all, a duality in the middle of which is the ALL. Nice for an early morning shave and a face wash. Now the window is all steamy and I have to get some windex and paper towels. It needed it anyway. Sometimes everybody needs to break down and clean the windows as well as widen the doors.
You need to widen doors to let the wheelchairs through so if it turns out that someone you love is in a wheelchair they can follow you anywhere, or lead you somewhere, maybe somewhere you'd normally not go.
And that's about all I could type before the pain in my arm made it a great idea to stop.

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